Monday, February 15, 2010

Infertile Myrtle's journey

I feel I have left out a lot of my life on this blog. You have only seen the in vitro portion of our lives. What was it like before that? Well, this is what it was like.

Ryan and I started trying to conceive in 2007. I was so ready to be a mother. My heart yearned to hold my baby in my arms. I can honestly say there was nothing I wanted more than to be a mother. We started trying and nothing was happening. My cycles were long (which when you're trying is awful). I would take a pregnancy test every month and cry every month when it was negative. Finally in December 2007, I went to my OB/GYN and expressed my concerns. He immediately put me on Clomid. I did that for 2 months with no side effects and somewhat shorter cycles, but unfortunately it didn't work.

I went back to the doctor and he added metformin (Glucophage) to my regimen. The metformin made me horribly sick. I remember working in the hospital and having to run to the bathroom because I was so sick from the meds. I did this for 3 months hoping it would bring me my wish. It did not.

In July 2008, we decided it was time for a reproductive endocrinologist, someone who specializes in fertility/infertility. He did some blood tests on me (FSH, LH, blood glucose), all of which were normal. He also ordered a hysterosalpingogram to make sure my fallopian tubes were free of debris. I was in fact, free of debris. He kept me on Clomid but upped to dose to 100 mg (2 tablets daily). When that didn't shorten my cycle, he upped the dose again to 150 mg. Yikes! My vision was blurry, my brain felt funny, and I had headaches from hell. It just was not ideal at all. I think I did this for about 2 or 3 months/cycles. Since it wasn't working I begged him to put me on another medication. He did. I started taking Femara. This med actually made me have a 28-day cycle and I knew I ovulated on it. I went in for an ultrasound around ovulation and sure enough, I had plenty of beautiful follicles ready to break free from my ovaries. We opted to do an hCG trigger shot at this point to release the eggs and time our love accordingly. Unfortunately this didn't work.

The next month, December 2008, we decided it was time for a more aggressive approach. This time we did Femara and IUI, or intrauterine insemination. It's where they put a little catheter through your cervix and injected your husband's specially prepared man juice straight into your uterus. We had hopes that our problem could have just been a cervix that wasn't allowing the sperm to get through. This obviously didn't work and was actually very devastating. It completely broke my heart and my spirit. I don't think I left the house for days. I felt like we were trying so hard and getting no results. It was exhausting. After this, my emotions just couldn't handle fertility treatments for a while. I needed a break. I think Ryan probably needed it too. We decided it was time for a little love named Bella to be a part of our lives. Bella definitely has brightened our lives. We love our little baby dog, even though she's not a baby anymore.

We kind of kept things on hold for a while, a long while actually. Ryan went to Ecuador for a month and during that time I went to the doctor to see if they would do a laparoscopy on me. They didn't want to do it for some reason and they just put me back on Clomid. Bad idea. I left the doctor's office in tears and complete hysterics and no way to call my husband since he was in a different country and I had no phone number to reach him. I believe he must have been inspired by the spirit to contact me because he called me that afternoon and I just bawled and he just listened. My heart still hurt. I felt defeated once again. I did the Clomid for 1 more round and immediately gave up. We started to fill out the papers for adoption, but it just never felt right. This is when we decided to go to the University of Utah. From our very first visit they were ready to find out what was wrong. It was reassuring, but still frustrating. My cycles by this point were 60+ days. They ended up putting me on Provera to induce my period so we could start fresh with my cycles. For Ryan, came the test with the hamster eggs. This is where the blog picks up. And now look at where we are.

I feel we have gone through much heartache and frustration and now we have been blessed in multiple ways. We are so thrilled beyond belief to be expecting our children later this year. We know God works in mysterious ways and in ways I will never understand. Never once did I feel in vitro wasn't what we were supposed to be doing. When we started to fill out our paperwork for adoption earlier in 2009, it never felt like we were in the right place doing the right thing. When we decided to do in vitro, I felt blessed with peace and comfort. I knew it was what we were supposed to do.

Thank you so much for sharing in our journey. Your love and support has meant so much to Ryan and myself.


Harmony said...

Whew! What a story! I should write mine down like yours, so I don't forget how horrible it was. Oh man, I hurt just thinking about it! I wonder how many of your friends know what a hysterosalpingogram is... (I do, of course, as I was also a lucky recipient of that test).

Thanks for sharing.

Molly and Jeb said...

Thanks for sharing your story Ash.

Jacob, Amber, and Baby Kyla said...

Oh my! What a roller coaster! The Lord does work in mysterious ways. I'm sure only you know what you have learned and how you have grown from all of this. But I really do respect and love you for being able to put up with it and get through it. You really are a special person for the Lord to be able to give you all of this and say, "Don't worry. I'm giving it to you because I know you can get through it." Not everyone can go through something like this because they are not as strong as you. Love you guys!

Diana said...

I'm so glad you wrote this down. Not just for my benefit (because I like to hear about the journey other people face) but I think it will be important for your children to learn exactly HOW MUCH you loved them before it was even possible down the road. And also, on those days when they are on your last nerve, it will be good for you to remember the road you went to get your kids. I wrote down my experience delivering (13 pages) and being pregnant (not as detailed, but here and there) with Alexandra and I hope that one day she will understand and read how much I loved her before I really "knew" her. Although, I don't have to tell you, a mother is a mother and 'knows' her children far FAR before childbirth. I love you so much, am grateful you were willing to share this experience with me and your family and friends, and am so excited for your sacrifice to be held in your arms. :)

Chelsea said...

I'm balling after reading this, Ashley. I never knew that you and Ry had been through that storm. But oh you should have seen me when I read that you were having not one, but two!!!! I was reading all alone, and I just shouted, "YES!" I am so glad that you have posted your story on here. I really believe that your story will touch many lives. especially the ones that are going through what you went through! Well, I will be sure to follow your posts, and good luck Girl! You have been blessed and when you have those babies, you will not believe how much they continue to bless your life!

Stutz Family said...

I had no idea. My heart hurts for all that you have had to go through. I love you and Ryan so much and I KNOW that you are going to be wonderful parents! I can't wait for all the joys yet to come!