Thursday, July 25, 2013

Are you there Infertile?

Hello?  Infertile?  It's me, Ashley... also known as Infertile Myrtle.  It's been a while.  Life for the last two and a half years has been... Interesting (amazing).

In August 2011, just days after our twins' first birthday, we packed up a huge moving truck and moved to California.  Ahhhh.  Beautiful palm trees and sun.  Just what the doctor prescribed.  I thought to myself, "self, living in paradise will be good for you."  And you know what?  It was PERFECT!

October 7, 2011, just shy of two months in California, I got sick.  I thought I had the flu.  I was exhausted.  I spent the day at Disneyland wanting to throw up the entire time.  Well, that little flu bug turned out to be the best sickness ever.  We call him The California Miracle, also known as Elliot.

The California Miracle came kicking and screaming into our lives on May 22, 2012.  We did it.  We created a little human all by ourselves.  I still to this day have no idea how it happened.  Aren't we broken?  And yet he's here.  And he's perfect.  And we just adore him.

Scarlet is about to turn 3 in just a couple of weeks.  These milestones are so bittersweet for me.  First comes the conception date, then the pregnancy test, then the twin ultrasound, then devastation.  Even three years later, it is still so hard for me to hit these milestones.  It is however, getting easier to bare.  In my moments of grief, I take a breath.  Sometimes that's just what keeps me alive.  Breath by breath I live.  I miss my Kingston.  But there is something so amazing about my life.  Scarlet and Elliot, and the knowledge that I will be with Kingston again.  I am SO blessed.

For some infertiles, they will never be able to experience even a tiny bit of what I have been given.  I truly do believe and KNOW that I am blessed.

And if you are interested, I'm an infertile again.  Only this time, I'm okay with it.  For now anyway.  I have two miracles that I get to spend my days with and I could not be happier.

Pure bliss.

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